i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Randomize
