when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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