she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
