Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
