I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
