just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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