I am puke
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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