I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
