Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
