Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
