Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
