I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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