If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i think i just lost a toe
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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