yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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