Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Floor bacon is actually really good
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
