I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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