my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
