its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
