I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
