Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
