Whatcha textin bout Willis?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
