I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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