Got a toothbrush?
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
