Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
