He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
