What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
