He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
