Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
