If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
