I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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