There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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