I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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