please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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