they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
