So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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