Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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