i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
The air taste purple.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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