I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
