I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
