I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
