i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
And then my night got REAL pukey
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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