I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
