Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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