I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
