I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
