i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
