So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
