Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
