My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
