I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
