why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
